Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
