I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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