you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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