Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
