i think my mom watched the whole time
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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