I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
