he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
