You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
