meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
