Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
