I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
