i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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