I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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