just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
