does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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