so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
