FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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