There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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