Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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