Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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