end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I wear drunk well.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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