He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
