you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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