I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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