She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
