so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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