He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
