I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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