I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
