I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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