I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
