I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
