Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
