i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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