I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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