I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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