Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
this is an emotional support booty call
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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