farters have to be the big spoon...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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