Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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