I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
