let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
