I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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