just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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