Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
