i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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