I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
