I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
