White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
