Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
