we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
