Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
