Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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