i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
