fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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