? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
