At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
