I don't usually arrange sex via text message
someone threw a dead crab at me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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